this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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