Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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