bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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