"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
