I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
