She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
