I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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