We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
How external is "for external use only"?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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