pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
