May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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