She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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