Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
