Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
