I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
