we have officially lost it.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
