Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
