so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
