I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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