just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
