I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Operation Purity has been aborted
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
