Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
