New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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