Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
