well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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