Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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