so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
