Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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