There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
now i know why i became what i already was.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
