my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Randomize
