At least make sure they are 18
Why
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
