I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
