mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
