No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
