2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
