I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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