no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
