This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
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I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
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Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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