This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
