yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
