people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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