you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
