i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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