That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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