I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize