and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
