Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
