just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
