I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
