And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
