I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
