I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I am available for nakedness
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
