you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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