Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
