Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my being single is dangerous.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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