I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Randomize
