Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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