if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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