What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
