How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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