Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
