I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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