i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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