i may or may not be watching the land before time
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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