help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
