So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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