All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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