It's Friday. Sex?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
