but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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