I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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