i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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