would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
