mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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