i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
