The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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