I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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