is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
