See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
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She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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