Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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