Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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