Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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